bituingmarikit

i take it back

2004-11-24T04:45:00.000+08:00

when this was written, i thought there would be nothing in it i'd take back. despite the hate e-mail that came with the i-agree-with-you mail from filipinos all over the world, including randy david, buboy garovillo, joey ayala, peque gallaga.

i love that the quote "katas ng hacienda luisita" is remembered at a time when it is most important to see the real victims and the real criminals in the Hacienda Luisita massacre, regardless of who fired the first shot, who has powderburns, and how many of those people were actually hacienda workers.

but i take this back:

"If there is any Aquino who deserves the limelight, who is intelligent and level-headed, who can truly say that he can do something for this country, whom we would like to see and hear more of. If there's one Aquino whom Ninoy can be proud of, it is Noynoy."

dalawang araw matapos ang massacre sa Hacienda Luisita ipinarada ng mga manggagawa ang ilan sa mga namatay sa harap ng isinumpang hacienda. nung gabing yun, lumabas si Noynoy Aquino sa TV, paano raw silang makikipagusap gayong mainit pa ang ulo ng kabilang panig? pinatutunayan raw ito ng pagparada ng mga patay sa harap ng hacienda.

tanong ni Noynoy, ano raw bang magagawa ng pagparada ng patay?

ano nga bang nagawa ng pagparanda ng bangkay ni Ninoy noong 1983, mula Times St. hanggang sa Sto.Domingo Church sa Q.C., at mula sa simbahan hanggang sa Manila Memorial Park? naging aksaya ba ng panahon ang paglalakad ng dalawang milyong Pilipino ng 25 miles, sa loob ng labing-isang oras para kay Ninoy? simpleng patunay ba ito ng init ng ulo, na hindi dapat patulan o bigyang-halaga? na walang kahulugang mas malalim, walang pinanggagalingang tama?

i take back what i said about Noynoy. he is no better than his aunt Tessie, uncle Butz, mother Cory, and sister Kris. they all just have Aquino to their names, and nothing else. and as it turns out, Aquino is just another name, like Marcos, that we Filipinos will apparently have to suffer through for a long time to come.

now, more than ever, Ninoy must be turning in his grave.

where art thou patricia?

2004-11-14T17:55:00.000+08:00

so patricia evangelista's story about faye (the young girl who, along with her mom, sold the story that she had won in an international competition that apparently didn't happen) IS FALSE. what can i say, but we should have seen it coming.

patricia had this coming.

not only did she believe a paid ad, she also decided that when people questioned the story, she would find this girl faye and interview her. and when she did interview her, she was had. she believed faye's and her mother's story, hook line and sinker. even pointing a finger at the filipinos who doubted what she saw as a fairy tale story for our poor third world country.

over and over, pete lacaba kept saying in the plaridel e-group -- bad reportage. i say, more than that, patricia is in over her head. the last thing you want to do when you get 10 minutes of fame, is to prove to everyone that it's all there is about you at this point. you don't want to go out there and take on everything that's offered to you: hosting stints and regular columns. the latter proving to be her undoing as it's what she used to say faye is her new cause.

a cause based on a fake story. if i were patricia evangelista, i would at the very least, apologize and then disappear from the public eye. at the very least.

at most, i'd tell her to migrate to america. then, she'd be part of the diaspora she so loves.

kritik ka?

2004-11-09T01:35:00.000+08:00

my general rule about poetry is: i need to understand it. and so there are few poets i enjoy reading: issy reyes, conchitina cruz, ricky de ungria, marjorie evasco, fatima lim-wilson, joi barrios, benilda santos. of course i know that if i try a little harder, i will gain more from these poets' works, but just the same when a first reading allows me to understand what a poem says and enjoy the way it sounds.. damnit, that's just a poem i like. so sue me.

and so it is with much hesitation that i write this -- i am no poem critic. but i do read a lot of it, and i do study it as a literary product in this third world country that is the philippines. and it was with much interest that i watched something unfold in the little circle of the pinoy blog-world that i frequent. at about the same time, as secondcup talked about recent and "new" poetry writing in english by filipinos, blogger-tibaks 1 and 2 were talking about poetry writing in filipino and something that's very old -- and given the discussion -- something that's getting stale: ang papel ng tula at makata sa lipunan.

now, i don't have a problem with demanding that poets (ang all writers) be conscious of where they stand in this society and the roles they need to and/or inevitably play. but really now, why are we still stuck in the-poet-as-revolutionary rut? i do not doubt that journals like Ulos and works by Ericson Acosta, Richard Gappi, and Gelacio Guillermo are being read in the countryside by those who are waging war against this gadawful government. and yes, poets,writers who decide to dedicate their lives to a cause, this cause, undoubtedly deserve our respect. but talks at the yenan forum was for china of old, NOT for the china that produces all these pirated DVDs, underground decadent books, designer drugs, and rave parties. given that times have changed, i'd like to think that our views and ideologies -- even communist literary theory -- has evolved.

so we shouldn't really be saying -- the way blogger tibak 1 does -- that anyone who reads knows that poetry is the most powerful of all literary genres, because saying so at this point is just plain unrealistic. unless of course these tibaks now consider april boy's "di ko kayang tanggapin, na mawawala ka na sa akin" as poetry. which they don't.

and so writing in filipino continues to be stuck in the rut that is left-right-center politics, the martial-law-rut as i like to call it, so unyielding and unwilling to compromise when it comes to the kind of literary production that is "not for the masses" -- when in reality the masses are watching TV.

this while, as secondcup observes, our writing -- particularly poetry -- in english has finally(!) started to evolve, veering away from the star that is jimmy abad, with young poets demanding to be read in their difference. i may not understand their poetry offhand, but i will never have anything against poets who write for other poets -- or people who study poetry. there is virtue after all in the craft of writing. and i find, that unlike those who continue to mouth the masses as an excuse for the kind of poetry they write, these poets in english are more conscious of where they stand in this society and are more realistic when it comes to why they write. there is less pretension, more growth.

now, if only writers in filipino could be open to learning that from their english counterparts, we readers would be in a happier place.

state of the nation's population

2004-10-31T23:19:00.000+08:00

in one of last week's Inquirer online issues, a miniscule article told us that Sec. Manuel Dayrit will be facing charges of graft because the deal his Department of Health (DOH) made with the group Couples for Christ (CFC) did not go through public bidding. Albay Congressman Edcel Lagman, on the other hand, was pushing for the suspension of the deal itself because the CFC lied about exactly where the money would go. as it turns out, CFC wasn't doing everything voluntarilly for the government -- they were going to pay themselves for all their work.

what i don't get is this: why aren't people making enough noise about this? as it turns out, even before the 2004 elections, this deal between the DOH and the CFC was in place. in fact, early in her term, our president-so-smart had said no to a family planning program -- remember her rhythm method statements? and then, in 2002, USAID decided to stop sending us free contraceptive pills and condoms, realizing that the government wasn't really committed to the same cause of keeping the population explosion under control. in 2003, GMA refused to put out a budget for family planning and instead delegated this expense to the local government units of which Manila under Atienza has been most vocal about NOT putting out money for it. this same year, news of the CFC deal also broke out. since then, the kind of family planning programs all over the country has not been monitored -- it wouldn't be surprising if in the end, no local government has been giving out free pills and condoms.

so why aren't people angry enough about this? regardless of what you believe causes this population problem, it doesn't change the fact that we are at a crisis. and in the past 4 years, this government has done virtually nothing.

and then this: awarding a P50 million contract to a private organization to do the government's job of educating the nation about family planning just wreaks of side deals and i-pat-your-back-you-pat-mine. even worse: awarding P50 million to a religious organization FOR population control is like giving the church money to teach us all how to deal with our libidos. pray to god, and it will all go away. ha!

what will it take to get us all angry enough to do something?

where are thou trillanes

2004-10-26T01:26:00.002+08:00

there was something bold and makabayan about the oakwood mutiny that -- scared of the military as i am -- i couldn't resist admiring the Magdalo soldiers. it helped that trillanes etal were such good looking men! talagang pogi points help.

of course they weren't supposed to succeed, and everything seemed to be for naught. but i did not, DID NOT, expect the recent apology.

and now, in light of apparent corruption in the military, with our chief of staff and defense secretary having to answer -- and get pikon with -- congress, i can't help but wonder: was this all set up? can you just see GMA with that satisfied smirk? i've forgiven and have been vindicated by the oakwood mutineers, and now i'm allowing for my military officials to be investigated and questioned on live television! look at me, i was right all along, and i continue to be fair and just.

damn, i wish trillanes etal just allowed for their silence to speak for them. because in the end, it's sticking to their words that would've made them go down in history as the soldiers of our time.

'di mapakali, kay tagal hinahanap...

2004-10-24T15:28:00.000+08:00

my recent cravings for burger machine have been sustained by the consistent inability to get my teeth into their longganisa sandwich.

pagkatapos maglakbay ng ilang beses mula katipunan haggang kalayaan, lagi na lang wala! nauubos raw kaagad, sabi ni ate na nagtitinda. madalas, nakikisakay ako sa order ni yosiboy -- sige na nga jumbo burger na lang, o kaya bart burger. minsan nagtiyaga ako sa kanilang cheesedog, na di na kasingsarap ng burger machine cheesedog ng aking kabataan na pinupuno nila ng pickle relish at dressing. dati pati, ang cheese nasa loob ng dog, hindi pinapatong lang sa ibabaw.

pero finally! pagkatapos ang halos dalawang linggo ng paghihintay! niluto sa harapan ko ang longganisa sandwich na pinakaaasam! waaaa! halos maiyak ako sa tuwa!

at dahil namnam na namnam na ko, di ko na rin nakunan ng litrato ang mismong sandwich bago ko kainin. ang da best sa lahat? P25 lang 'to! overflowing with tasty grease and the egg (over)cooked sunny-side-up, this was enough to fill me through the wee hours as i write a completion paper, and through to lunch the following day. sarap!

pinaka-da best sa lahat, ang pagbuo ng bagong alaala kasama ang burger machine na ito, na feeling ko, ay amin na amin lang.

soap opera junkie 1

2004-10-21T14:41:00.000+08:00

i'm a kapuso, more than i am a kapamilya (-- in fact i cringe just thinking of myself as one of the latter), but i do have a judy ann santos thang. i don't know, maybe it's because i grew up watching Mara Clara, and even remember watching Ula, Ang Batang Gubat, and who didn't like the fact that she was so powerful as Pachuchay in that last soap with piolo pascual?

and so it took a lot out of me to decide on watching Krystala over Mulawin last night. and was i disappointed. so okay, the people behind the show wanted a superhero for the first ever superserye on primetime tv. but really now, if we're aiming for a modern superhero, why are the situations so ... old? last night, alma concepcion transformed into the villain Kabagona:

and what does she do on her night out? why, the unthinkable! she stops an armored vehicle, punches the lights out of the two guards inside, and gets (dramatic pause here) two bags of cash from the back! and then lets out this evil laugh. mwahahahahaha!

of course Krystala's flying in the air at about the same time that Kabagona's flying off with her loot. and they see each other. and Kabagona screams: zino kah? at vaket ka naka-costume? thank you, gay writers of this world!

as for judy ann, you know this is a step backwards, girl. from real anti-dramatics girl Pachuchay, to ass-kicking and crime-busting Princess, to ... fantasy superhero circa Darna?

i'll have Ate Vi anytime.

sabado nights 2

2004-10-18T03:30:00.002+08:00

saturday night, i was forced out by my housemate: "get a life!"

go to hobbit house.

i'm always two-minded about this place. on the one hand, it offends my politically-third-world-correct sensibilities, using (exoticizing, if you will) as it does the good ol' unano as selling point. on the other, this is still better than watching dagul being lifted and thrown on that aga-edu-bayani non-sitcom or having the showbiz talkshows zeroing in on mahal's love (and sex) life. ah, the struggle between the ideal and with what's lesser between two evils.

on this saturday night though, none of that was on my mind. with kindred souls looking for good ol' rakenrol and the blues, i settled on my barstool for the night, and kept the san mig light coming -- boycotts be damned. to my right was a girl who, at 24, has earned more money than i have at my age; to my right a pinoy from canada who's intent on staying (and investing!) in the philippines unlike jasmine trias. in front of me, the jerks -- actually chikoy pura himself -- rocking the night away.

all around me, long-lost kindred souls, reminding me that i could take things easy. money comes as it does, life sucks sometimes, and shit happens. at the end of the day, given everything else that goes on in this country, we were still lucky.

that night, i felt charmed.

wanda the fish

2004-10-15T03:05:00.000+08:00

marami akong nami-miss sa paggamit ng Debian Linux na OS. maliban pa sa isang katerbang games (may built-in mahjong!), madaling paggamit at pag-edit ng graphics gamit ang GIMP, at post-it note na puwedeng mag-appear sa iyong desktop pagbukas mo ng computer, nandun si Wanda The Fish. isang walang halagang program na magbibigay sa'yo ng mga thoughts for the day. shemps, hindi nakakatawa kapag ang lumalabas e mga quotes from shakespeare and mark twain. pero may mga tchambang patawa: mga knock-knock jokes at mga "what is" questions, at merong tulad nito:

na medyo mapapaisip ka muna ng ilang segundo, tchaka ka matatawa: today is national existential ennui awareness day.

ito na siguro ang pinakamalupit na araw na puwede nating i-celebrate. aminin nating lahat na tayo'y nasa kawalan, sabay itanong natin: "what is the meaning of life?

winner. sabi nga ni ruffa mae: (wanda the) fish tayo!

the search for the missing textbooks 2

2004-10-13T16:16:00.001+08:00

dahil fighting spirit ako (anak pa ng spirit!), nagdesisyon akong hindi ako titigil hangga't hindi ko nahahanap ang mga textbook na binabasa ng mga pinoy public school children. raket din ito, so wala akong choice.

matagal-tagal ko nang pinagtiyagaang ma-kontak ang national book development board sa telepono nilang naka-post sa website. pero walang sumasagot. inisip ko nun, hay, government agency nga pala ito. ibig sabihin wala nang sasagot ng phone kapag 10am kase snack time yon, kapag 11am kase malapit nang maglunch, kapag 1pm dahil kakatpos lang maglunch, kapag 3pm dahil snack / siyesta time yun, at 4pm dahil malapit nang mag-uwian. shemps, dating government employee -- knows ko 'yan.

so pumunta na lang ako. aba! ang daming libro pagpasok ko! akalain niyo 'yun? may library ang national book development board! yehey! pero hay, government agency nga pala ito. therefore, wala silang textbooks dito. in fact, kung anikanik na libro lang ang nasa library at ni hindi naka-organize. sabi pa ng in-charge sa mga libro, wala rin daw akong makikita kahit pagtiyagaan kong mag-browse. ayos.

earlier in the day, bago ako pumunta sa nbdb, tumawag ako sa national library at nagtanong: "meron po ba kayong kopya ng mga textbook na ginagamit sa ating mga public schools?" sinagot ako ng tatlong beses, ng iba't-ibang tao, sa tatlong numero ng telepono: "ay hindi ko alam, tumawag ka sa number na 'to..."

at finally, sa procurement office ang dumadagundong na sagot ni miss sa kabilang linya: "ay national library ito, hindi kami kumukuha ng mga textbook ng dep ed, ang kinukuha namin yung mga imported na textbook."

ang saya naman.

fuck you world

2004-10-13T13:52:00.000+08:00

sabi nga ni yosiboy.

pero ayos din ito: kaya naman, kapag ako’y nagagalit, hindi ako sumisigaw ng Fuck You, Putang Ina ang sinasabi ko.

para sa'kin, hindi dahil mas makabayan ako kung gagawin ko 'to. kungdi dahil mas masarap murahin ang mundo sa tagalog, kaysa inggles. mas malutong, mas totoo.

at kung ang bawat mura ko ngayo'y, natutugunan ng isang bagay na totoo, mas maiintindihan ko siguro ang mundo.

how to turn a carpenter into an MTV VJ

2004-10-11T04:29:00.000+08:00

(the following was inspired by the discussion going on about jasmine trias and colonial mentality at piercing pens and by KC Montero who once said that his buddies in the States couldn't believe it when he said he was an MTV VJ in the Philippines because in the U.S. he was, like them, just a carpenter.)

step 1: make sure you're a carpenter (or maybe a gas boy, a bag boy, a waitress) elsewhere in the world, like the U.S., and you have Filipino genes.

step 2: you need to have grown up in a foreign land. migration beyond the formative years is not what makes a fil-am (or fil-aussie, fil-korean, fil-canadian).

step 3: eat all the adobo, pancit, and lumpia that you can in those pinoy parties in the place you call home. talk about your roots, and romanticize this third world country that is the philippines.

step 4: learn to use "po" and "opo" to end your sentences. add a sprinkling of "'e!" and "'no!" for more variety.

step 5: go home to the philippines when you've grown into this hunk or babe. when you catch the eye of maurice archache, tim yap, boy abunda or (god forbid!) kuya germs, make sure you talk about being pinoy at heart, and having come home to find and understand your roots. and you know, you wouldn't mind getting into showbiz or commercials on the side.

step 6: make sure not to lose that foreign accent. with the sprinkling of tagalog words, this can only make you the star of your very own show. audition for MTV and talk about exactly the same things you told kuya germs in Walang Tulugan.

step 7: go back to the States to visit your old friends and brag about how your pinoy roots have actually landed you the highest paying job you could ever get, given that in the States, you were just a carpenter. in Manila, you may be earning pesos, but everything's so cheap, you can afford a car and condo!

the search for the missing textbooks 1

2004-10-10T19:10:00.001+08:00

a week ago, i found myself dealing with the philippine government -- at hindi ito sa pamamagitan ng pagra-rally sa labas ng GSIS (although i should've done that, too). it was to check out the Dep Ed Central Library for the textbooks that are being used in public elementary and high schools. i had called the week before, and asked if these books even existed in this library and they said yes, come, "magdala kang dalawang i.d., isa para sa'min, isa para sa guard."

so there i was at the Dep Ed Central Library, in my i'm-a-credible-researcher outfit only to be told: "ay, wala kaming kopya ng textbooks dito! nasa skuwelahan lahat!" they then offer me a list of Dep Ed-approved textbooks, and when i say yes, they say: "ay nasa maling opisina ka hija. dapat dun ka sa IMCS sa kabilang building, third floor."

so i go to the Instructional Materials Council Secretariat, where i'm told to approach ms. carol, the head of the office, who was smoking outside her office as she did what looked to me like edit a math textbook. i go up to her and ask for that list of Dep Ed-approved textbooks. she says: "naku hija, wrong timing ka. busy kami, 'eto nga't may hinahabol pa. iwan mo ang email mo at ipadadala ko na lang sayo, mga next week."

a day later i talk to ms.carol's secretary who tells me that there should be copies of the textbooks at the Dep Ed Central Library (kasi nga, central library sila), and that i should call the library again and insist that the IMCS gives them copies of all new textbooks. i call the library and the woman says: "hindi, wala, kahit maghanap ka pa dito!" and so i go back to ms. carol's secretary who says i can try and write a formal letter to their office to request that i be allowed to check out the textbooks that they might have, although "baka wala ka nang makita rito, kasi halos wala nang laman ang bodega".

aba! talagang kailangan kong sumulat ng formal request para mag-research sa bodega? at nasaan ang mga textbook sa Dep Ed Central Library? vaket sila nawawala?

so after a loooong and hot morning at the Dep Ed complex in Pasig, after being harassed by the guards who kept eyeing me and telling me they'd show me to whichever office i wanted to go to, after a second morning spent talking to Dep Ed people trying to not help, this was all i got out of it:

really now, this is exactly what i will do next time i have to deal with government: watch every steps i take.

jasmine, not to be mistaken for "hasmin"

2004-10-07T17:05:00.000+08:00

jasmine
Originally uploaded by bituingmarikit.

psychicpants asks: what's the fuss about jasmine trias?

and i am brought back to a time in my mayabang youth when my mentor asked: what is the point of this short novel? the novel in question was Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

and i answered something like: given that we're looking at this as a third world text, my theory is that it's a quest for a hero that would be able to make sense of this small town's misery and happiness, agony and sadness. finding that hero seems to be an apparent need for a lot of third world countries (based on their texts) to maybe try and anchor themselves on that one bright spot.

she said: man, that's a fantastic reading! where did that come from? and because i was so shocked by her reaction (given that she was a terror), i shrugged my shoulders.

that the philippines is now happy enough with a hero such as jasmine trias who isn't even ours, and who actually messed up most of the time on American Idol, says a lot about how difficult it has become for us to find that one bright spot.

and it's not even that she's not a filipino citizen. because we can have someone like patricia evangelista -- a u.p. student and a filipino citizen -- who encourages as all to keep our country in our hearts and nowhere else in our lives. who will talk about the filipino diaspora and migration , but will refuse to acknowledge that the OFW in Dubai who will die of hunger in the philippines is totally different from the u.p.medschool graduate in Ohio who wants to totally forget that he or she came from this country.

of course who actually helped patricia write this speech deserves a separate (and lengthy!) discussion altogether. which i will do one of these days. in the meantime, i dare this trias girl to sing with sarah geronimo or kyla. or any other young diva who exists in every barangay in this country.

tiklop yan, i bet!

22b, 22b

2004-10-07T13:37:00.000+08:00

at pumunta nga kami sa Conspiracy nung Martes ng gabi, para ... uminom dahil kailangan namin ni sister ng beer. of course drinking to a good cause na rin kami, dahil ito ang gabi ng pagkalap ng donasyon para sa manunulat na si jun cruz reyes, na nasunugan ng bahay at ari-arian sa hagonoy bulacan.

maraming tao. hindi ko alam kung saan ako mas nagulat: sa hindi pagdating ng karamihan ng mga guro mula sa filipino department ng u.p., o sa pagdating ng mga writers in english na minamata-mata nila. but then again, even when jing hidalgo and jimmy abad say that they can't read (or write in) tagalog to save their lives, anyone who knows them wouldn't be surprised that they have their hearts in the right place. (now, krip yuson i'm not sure about...heh!)

but the story of the evening: rio alma sitting face to face with gelacio guillermo. ang espasol at nilupak.

even more of a surprise? rio alma being there, period. he can go beyond enemy lines! he has a heart after all.

naka 61kyaw si jun cruz nung gabing yun. nakatulong kaya na nag-beer lang ako at nalasheeeeng?

(p)raising preachy

2004-09-30T13:23:00.000+08:00

not to diss or praise this theory teacher of note, but i do think that if a student comes out of a CL theory class and takes with her the idea that our literature is minor (or minority) because we should view it in the context of the rest of the world, i.e., western publishing, then there is something wrong with the way the class was handled.

now my only real argument with starting a discussion on the state of philippine literature with the terms "major", "minor", and "minority" is the possibility of having a student like butas na chucks thinking that discussions should start and stop with us claiming the territory of the minority vis a vis the major literatures in the west.

why is this a fearful possibility?

because given the kind of literary and cultural theorizing we tend to have in this country, this usually means glossing over the fact that within our small literary world, we do have our versions of major, minor, and minority literatures. texts which we would rather not deal with because it will mean being faced with the realization that no one reads what we, in the "literary, academic, major center", write.

and if we refuse to deal with the realities of publishing and reading in this country, how can we even think of coming to terms with and working towards improving it?

what's your flava, tell me what's your flava

2004-09-27T11:08:00.000+08:00

these quizzes either get me perfectly or are so far off.

I am Chocolate Flavoured.

I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt. What Flavour Are You?

i can also apparently be:

Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.

I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You?

so i can either make you hot, or cleanse your body.

or both.

powerless women?

2004-09-25T11:59:00.000+08:00

and so psychicpants' guest writer's list is right on target. i would add to this a list of directors of the universities' research offices i.e., Karen Cardenas is head of the AdMU Office of Research and Publications and i think the U.P. Office of the Vice Chancellor for Research and Development (OVCRD) is still headed by Maybelle Guzman; and a list of chairpersons of key departments i.e., Thelma Arambulo of the DECL in U.P., Marlu Vilches of the AdMU English Department, Soledad Reyes of the AdMU Interdisciplinary Department, Benilda Santos of the AdMU Filipino Department, Glecy Atienza of the U.P. Departamento ng Filipino at Panitikan ng Pilipinas.

and what have we got?

in an undergrad thesis from my old CL life, what i put together was a list of anthologies by, for, and from Pinays which i used to ask: are women in the literary field still oppressed, supressed, and marginalized? the answer was simple: for women of a certain social class who are educated and have acquired the power to decide on and create the canon, this isn't true anymore.

so why is it that we continue to be fed the idea that the woman writer is marginalized? could it be that we're afraid to admit that despite having all these women in positions of power, that they have yet to really and truly do anything that would mean changing the way we view literature in general, and opening up the sphere of publishing to all writings by women?

or, even worse, maybe we can't face one truth: that like cory and gma in the presidency, having a woman in power doesn't make a whole lot of difference. because when they get there, it's like their men.

good days, bad days

2004-09-25T11:56:00.000+08:00

so there are days when i can have three meals, and others when i can go a whole day with only coffee and water in my stomach.

in an interview with drew barrymore where she's asked about all those failed relationships / marriages she has had, she says that through the years she's found that the heart is terribly resilient.

and apparently, so is the body.

laptop

2004-09-23T22:21:00.000+08:00

kung sa ibang tao nasa katawan ang peklat, sa'kin nasa laptop ko ang bahid ng masakit na nakaraan.

nagkalat ang mga folder na may pangalan ng dating pag-ibig. madalas, nasa loob ang mga ito ng mga folder na ang pangalan ay "kahapon". nasa loob rin ng mga "kahapon folders" ang mga litrato na naka-divide by date -- mula noong nangyari ang hindi inaasahan, hanggang sa ngayong unti-unti akong bumibitaw.

nagkalat rin ang mga sulat: paalam.doc, paalam2.doc, at kung anu-anong goodbye, farewell, eklavu.

sa loob ng folder na puno ng mp3, may mga kantang nakalaan para sa dating pag-ibig. sa desktop, may folder ng mp3 na ang title ay smiling face -- para naman sa'kin ang mga kantang ito.

at sa isang sulok may folder ng mga litrato. ang title ng folder na ito: kung bakit pangit ka, ina.

hindi lang kahapon ang nagkalat sa laptop kong bagong-bago. pati ang kasalukuyang unti-unti akong pinapatay.

sawi

2004-09-23T21:09:00.000+08:00

sa paghahanap ko ng lyrics ng kanta ni joey ayala, na-realize ko na ang dami palang sawi sa pag-ibig na sa blog naglalabas ng sama ng loob.

nakakatuwang isiping sa mundong ito ng internet, hindi ko man sila kilala, meron akong mga kabatak kina badgurl at lara.

cheers! at arinawa'y makaraos tayo.

burning that bridge...

2004-09-23T21:00:00.000+08:00

... in small steps.

walang hanggang paalam
joey ayala

di ba tayo’y narito upang maging malaya
at upang palayain ang iba
ako’y walang hinihiling
ika’y tila ganoon din
sadyang bigyang-laya ang isa’t-isa

ang pagibig natin ay walang hanggang paalam
at habang magkalayo papalapit pa rin ang puso
kahit na magkahiwalay tayo'y magkasama
sa magkabilang dulo ng mundo

ang bawat simula ay siya ring katapusan
may patutunguhan ba ang ating pagsinta
sa biglang tingin tila'y walang kinabukasan
subalit di-malupig ang pag-asa

wrong number

2004-09-22T17:44:00.000+08:00

'been trying to change my number through globe's 24-hour service, and although i have been getting to talk to the nicest customer service people, the gods and bathalas might as well have given me the wrong number.

they made it seem so easy: give 'em a call, ask for the new number, if it's available, you'll get it for P550 bucks.

on my first call, they tell me i need to get my dad's permission to change the number as my present number was in his name. permission gotten.

on my second call, an outstanding balance needed to be paid even if the due date is on the 9th of next month. balance paid.

on my third call, they tell me their computers are undergoing a maintenance check and could i call in 30 minutes? 30 minutes it is.

on my fourth call -- after 30 minutes -- they ask if i could give them another hour as their maintenance check had yet to be finished. an hour it is.

but i fall asleep for most of the day and give them a fifth call 6 hours later. this had been going on for three days.

save for a ringback tone that i'm going to lose, everything will remain intact: old messages, directory, images, and videos.

new number, old memories.

simple, pero rock

2004-09-21T13:23:00.000+08:00

'pag gusto may paraan,
'pag ayaw may dahilan.

sabi nga ng metallica: sad but true.

tanong

2004-09-21T11:58:00.000+08:00

mali.

hindi "bakit mo ito nagawa?"

kungdi "bakit mo pa ito ginagawa ngayon?"

dahil may pagpapatawad na ayaw mong tanggapin.

may naghihintay na ayaw mong pangakuan ng bukas.

narito ang pagkakataon para mag-ayos at magbago.

pero ayaw mo.

blood red

2004-09-21T01:22:00.000+08:00

reverie
color it red
barbi cristi

was it only yesterday when you made me cry
was it only yesterday when you broke my heart
how can the sun keep on shining with my world torn apart
was it only yesterday when you left me here
was it only yesterday when you held my hand
how could i ever live up help me understand

someday when all my tears have gone
(someday my life will see springtime)
everyday we shared are gathered there one by one
(someday my life will see springtime)
stringed up together like a rosary
that i pray every night in my reverie
the heart that once brought me heartache
brings comfort to me

was it only yesterday when you made me smile
was it only yesterday when you turned to go
how could i see this one coming how was i to know
was it only yesterday that my life made sense
was it only yesterday i belonged to you
how do i figure this out when i haven’t got a clue

sabi nga ng T-shirt

2004-09-20T08:38:00.000+08:00

one tequila

two tequila

three tequila

floor.

(pero dahil lasengga ako, dagdagan mo pa ng apat na shot 'to!)

old friends

2004-09-20T02:23:00.000+08:00

the truth is, there's nothing like friendster to get you on the road to meeting up with old friends.

lalo na kapang kailangang-kailangan mo sila.

thank god for the barbie dolls, cuervo golds, and that good ol' archie of this world!

cheers!

(inom tayo!)

one great love

2004-09-20T02:19:00.000+08:00

paano kung ikaw, meron kang one great love?

pero hindi ikaw ang one great love niya?

simpleng-simple.

olats ka.

tulad ko.

sabado nights

2004-09-19T01:42:00.000+08:00

dang, ina raymundo!

since that commercial, not only do i get odd looks when i say my name, i also get all sad now that i'm single and every saturday night pressures me to have a sabado night the way she did. yah know: little black dress, goin' to a noisy bar, zeroing in on the single guys, and knowing that they're zeroing in on you, too. it doesn't help that the last time i was in this scene was eight or nine years ago.

nor does it help that the person i am now is so different from the ina raymundo of that ad, and who i was at that time. now it's chikoy pura on acoustic mode over a disco anytime. it's dong abay at 70's bistro over side A or some other big deal concert. it's even just bonding with family over hanging out in some place to see and be seen.

of course chances of meeting another person in any of the places i want to go to, or through the things i want to do, is close to impossible. but then again, if that guy ain't coming while i sit and enjoy my rum coke in an empty bar with chikoy pura, or as i do my good ol' fashion headbang with dong abay and my bottle of san mig lite on non-saturday days, then i'm not holding my breath waiting for him.

there would just be no reason to. sabado nights be damned.

imaginary manliligaw 1

2004-09-17T11:37:00.000+08:00

... at kung bakit guwapo si chito miranda.

halaga

umiiyak ka na naman / ‘langya talaga wala ka bang ibang alam
namumugtong mga mata / kailan ka pa kaya ikaw magsasawa
sa problemang iyong pinapasan / hatid sa’yo ng boyfriend mong hindi mo maintindihan
may kuwento kang pangdrama na naman / parang pang-TV na walang katapusan
hanggang kailan ka ba ganyan / hindi mo ba alam na walang pupuntahan
ang pagtiyaga mo diyan sa boyfriend mong tanga /
na wala nang ginawa kungdi ang paluhain ka

sa libo-libong pagkakataon na tayo’y nagkasama
iilang ulit pa lang kitang nakitang masaya
naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka niya
siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang ‘yong tunay na halaga.

hindi na dapat pagusapan pa / napapagod na rin ako sa aking kakasalita
hindi ka rin naman nakikinig / kahit sobrang pagod na ang aking bibig
sa mga payo kong di mo pinapansin / akala mo nakikinig di rin naman tatanggapin
ayoko nang isipin pa / ‘di ko alam ba’t ‘di mo makayanan na iwanan siya
ang dami-dami naman diyang iba /
'wag kang mangangambang baka wala ka nang ibang makita
na lalaki na magmamahal sa’yo / at hinding-hindi niya sasayangin ang pag-ibig mo

minsan hindi ko maintindihan
parang ang buhay natin ay napagtitripan
medyo malabo yata ang mundo
binabasura ng iba ang siyang pinapangarap ko

huli man daw at nagmamagaling....

2004-09-15T18:01:00.000+08:00

The truth is, I thought Carla Pacis' reaction to the Manila Critic Circle's disregard of and disrespect for the local production of children's literature was right on target. Except of course when she insinuated that we should disregard Summit Books' production because it's "chick lit".

At dito naman korek na korek sina hickypox at psychicpants: maituturing na tagapagligtas si Tara Sering ng panitikang Pilipino sa Ingles na matagal nang nakakulong sa aesthetics (madalas aesth-etits) at rules ng mga muhong wala nang magawa sa katotohanang hindi binabasa ang mga librong ginagawa nila. Mas malala? Nag-iilusyon pa ang mga manunulat na ito na may nagagawa sila kapag naglalabas sila ng mga grammar book at book of gay quotes.

Anyone who has a sense of the true state of Philippine literature in English would know just what having Tara Sering as Summit Books' editor means, and how big a deal this is. Saying that she's its saviour at this point is just so true. I said as much in a graduate paper last semester and got a flat 1.0 from a teacher who gave out 5.0s.

But this is the worst that has come out of all of this so far. While I do agree with butas na chucks that in the mudslinging that followed Carla's reaction, her whole point about Pinoy children's literature was lost (I would have in fact, gone in the direction of questioning the recent Palanca's not having a first place winner for children's fiction and having a second placer -- what Eugene Evasco wasn't good enough this year after having won first place so many times before?), I disagree with practically everything she learned in her theory class last semester. Something she used to point out that there's no point to the mudslinging. To wit,

According to Preachy Legasto, there are 3 kinds of literature in the Philippines:
1. "Major" Lit is basically Western canon.
2. "Minor" Lit are the Philippine lit trying hard to be like the Western Canon or as Legasto wrote: Minor literature accepts the canons of Western hegemonic culture as "universal." Thus, "minor" writers in the Philippines aspire to reach the level of development that "major literary greats"/ "author of masterpieces" (most of whom are from the West) have reached. Thirdly, "minor" literature during the American Colonial Regime as well as during this contemporary period is predominantly written in the English literature.
3."Minority" Lit or Lit from the margins are those "excluded from the Philippine literary canon for reasons that are not always 'aesthetic' in nature, but political and economic....Literature from the Margins are those that speak in the language of these 'minoritized' peoples."

I am no CL major, but here's how I understand it. Chicklit, children's lit, even literature written in Filipino, we are all lumped together under the Lit from the margins. I don't see how marginalizing one lit will benefit the other?

Uh... suffice it to say that there are some teachers who shouldn't be teaching theory anymore as they 1) they still begin any discussion of literature on the level of "major" and "minor" = "western" and "us", and 2) they refuse to deal with the realities that beset our local production of literature.

For starters, let's deal with the following:

Reality 1. The books produced by the literary and academic publishing houses, i.e., Anvil, UP Press, AdMu Press, aren't being read by at least 80% of those in this country who are below the poverty line (and we're not talking textbooks and required readings here).

Reality 2. Those who can read within this 80% actually do read: Valentine Romances, Precious Petals books, komiks, magazines, songhits, soap opera books.

Reality 3. The middle and upper classes, the 20%, who are also actually reading will pick up Harry Potter, John Grisham, and even Isabel Allende, but will rarely go to the Filipiniana section of a bookstore unless it's required.

Reality 4. There is a clear and great divide between English literature and Tagalog literature, as there is between the literature produced in the center that is Manila and those that are produced in the provinces that is the margins of this country, as there are great divisions among the different social classes and ideological leanings that exist.

Reality 5. Those within the academic and literary publishing spheres who are in the position of power to deal with these realities refuse to deal with them and instead will continue to point out that we are "minor" compared to the rest of the world's literary productions that is "major" to gloss over the contradictions and problems that exist within our own production.

Why do they refuse to deal with it? Because it'll mean turning upon themselves and admitting that they haven't really done anything to change the way Filipinos view our own literary production and that there are great differences they refuse to bridge, major contradictions they refuse to problematize. See, there's Anvil Publishing, the academic presses, and our theory teachers.

And then there's Summit Books and Tara Sering.

tibak

2004-09-08T14:18:00.001+08:00

masarap makipagusap sa ND tibak dahil may paliwanag at solusyon sila sa lahat ng bagay.

broken hearted with attachment syndrome? 'etong sagot diyan:

thnk of it as d price of
sanity n human dgnity
palayain mo na sarili mo at
tandaan na lipunan man o
indibidwal na antas,
pnaglalbn yan
wakasan lahat ng porma
ng panloloko pananamantala at opresyon!

everyone could use an ND tibak friend who will txt you something like this just when you're desperately looking for answers. siyempre hindi naman madaling sundin ito -- hindi ko nga yata nasusunod. isang bagay nga lang ang naging malinaw sa'kin ngayon: ang sarap sigurong mabuhay ng may iisang bagay na pinaniniwalaan -- diyos, rebolusyon, kawalan ng diyos man. sa ganoong paraan lang kasi nagkakaroon ng sagot sa lahat ng tanong.

sa loob ng mundong yun, kumplikado man ang buhay,
simple itong galawan.

paghihintay

2004-09-05T19:27:00.000+08:00

No question about it: waiting does erode hope.

- from Laura Esquivel's the Law of Love, New York: Crown Publishers, 1995:100.

kahapon 2

2004-09-04T22:47:00.000+08:00

I
Isang pag-ibig
na yapos ng ligalig
Ang siyang lubid
ng aking pananalig;
Ang nakalingkis
Sa'ting bawat pagtangis,
At nagbibigkis
Sa mga pusong inip
na sa daigdig
ng buhaghag at palit.

II
Konting bato,
Konting semento:
Monumento!

Konting ikaw,
Konting ako:
Tinarantado!

Lahat ng ikaw at bato ng mundo,
Lahat ng ako at semento ng mundo:
Tinarantadong monumento!

Lahat ng ikaw,
Lahat ng ako:
Sigurado.

gawa ni yosiboy

taning

2004-09-04T13:27:00.000+08:00

YosiBreak: "September 01st, 2004Taning 11:45 pm by yosiboy"

pero kung mahal ka niya, at mahal mo siya, bakit hindi kayo magkasama?

bakit hindi pinagtatrabahuhan ang pag-aayos ng problema?

'yan ang pinakamalaking kontradiksyon sa lahat.

-- sarah.

flashback

2004-09-04T01:32:00.000+08:00

yosiboy: 07/01/2004 - 07/31/2004: "Dante Alighieri : 'Abandon all hope, you who enter here!' "

nabasa ko 'to eons ago. sa isang note na nakapaskil sa malamig na pintuan-gate pang-iisang tao, na pinuntahan ko ng walang pag-aalinlangan at walang pagtatanong kahit nakakatakot ang paligid sa labas at madilim ang batcave sa loob.

kung totoo kasi ang sinabi ni louie from louisiana, worth it ang tapang ko.

alam ko kasing pagpasok ko, makikita ko ang one great love ko.

re-run

2004-09-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

last night's old sex and the city episode, also their post-sept 11 tribute to new york, ended with carrie saying goodbye to louie from louisiana -- a sailor docked in new york -- who says he can't stand the city with its garbage and noise. carrie had asked him:

how many great loves do you think you get in a lifetime?

he says, one, if you're lucky.

carrie walks away saying new york just might be her one great love. and she can't allow anyone to talk shit about her boyfriend.

if louie is right about getting only one great love in a lifetime?

patay ako.

kahapon 1

2004-09-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

30oktubre97

Ang pagmamahal ko sa'yo
ay maasim na mangga
lamang
Pinasasarap
ng maamoy at maalat
na bagoong
ng pagtingin
(Kung minsan nga'y
kailangan pang idildil
sa asin ng pag-asam
ng magandang bukas
upang kahit papaano'y
ang ngiwi ng asim
ay maging ngiti.

Ngayo'y takot akong
baka magdulot ito
ng ulcer ng pagsuko.

Ngunit ang lahat ng ito'y
dahil hindi tangkay
ng rosas
ang buhay.

gawa ni yosiboy.

sama ka?

2004-09-02T11:33:00.000+08:00

tumalon siya sa bridge, lumangoy sa putikan.

bakit ka sasama?